I found out secondhand that one of my favorite bands from when I was in high school broke up. I haven’t listened to them in years nor have I been involved in their community, but I made some lifelong friends through their community. I logged on to their messageboard for the first time in a while and posted the following after seeing plenty of venom and negativity floating around. It applies to that particular community, but there may be some highlights for others as well.
XXXXX is right. He usually is.
I dropped my own money and time into a concert archive, spent time answering emails and posting on message boards, traveled to over a dozen shows in 7 states, made some amazing friends, learned about myself, became ok with myself, and eventually became strong enough to venture away from the computer and the support system I’d developed online.
Around the time I chose to separate myself from this realm was after XXXX was dismissed from the band. I can’t speak to the caliber of people that replaced him because I never met them, but all of the guys in XXX were extremely kind to me and just about everyone else I met through their music. We all felt good about rallying around this band and rallying around each other. It was about much more than the music.
I developed a deeper love and appreciation for all kinds of music through this. I laughed so hard that I cried. Sometimes I simply cried with others. I saw more of this country. I began to see myself in a new way. I began to love myself. I made friends that I know I’ll always keep in my life. I, frankly, was able to keep my life, period, because of this.
I really do hope for the best for the band’s members, regardless of whether they’re a part of its past, present, or, potentially, future. I hope for the best for all of you, because a good deal of you are fantastic people. I hope those of you that have some growing up to do find what and who you need to help you along. I hope that you have more good than bad in your life, but I hope you have the strength and support to handle the negative things that pop up when they inevitably do.
Most of all, I hope you take away what I did.
This isn’t about one thing. This is about everything. This is a way to develop a sense for who you are. This is a place you can feel safe. This is a place where you can support others and find support for yourself when you need to. This is a refuge from every individual who ever misunderstood you, teased you, gave you problems, or put fear in your heart. This is where you can sharpen your mind and open your heart until you’re able to handle or move beyond the things that can weigh you down in your life.
So please take care of yourself and each other. Make the life that you’ve always wanted. Find what makes you happy. Be good to others. Above all else, believe in who you are. If you don’t like something in your life, change it. If you don’t like or understand something in someone else’s life, don’t greet it with negativity and derision. Be a good example for them and lend a hand if you’re able.
You can resume your speculation and lobbing text grenades if you wish. I’ll be getting packed to get on a plane tomorrow so that I can tell my family and friends that I love them in person. Take care.
This is a blog by a reformed pessimist. The goal is to provide resources, advice, and ideas that have been helpful to me along the way as I've attempted to make my career and life mirror what I only used to imagine. Join me in helping to turn the tide on complacency in all aspects of life.